I always feel guilty putting the central heating on in the summer. It’s not just the echoes of my dad telling me to put a bloody jumper on that does it, but a momentary pang of indulgence I get knowing that some people can’t even afford to put theirs on in winter. We are into the second half of 2020 now, and having not worked since the before lockdown began, I wonder how my winter will pan out.
I’ll be able to put the heating on any any rate, but some little daydreams I had of a trip to Lapland or a grown up weekend away, have evaporated.
When it rains outside my knees ache. It’s a common complaint, I found out when I googled it, especially amongst people with arthritis apparently (which as far as I’m aware I don’t have) and yet science says it’s implausible. There’s some suggestion that pressure can affect fluid in joints but still the experts say it’s not a thing. So basically I’m just a wreck who is imagining ailments then? Nice one. Can’t wait to be 70, me. I’ll be unbearable.
Other bits of me ache too. I wake up with daily headaches and aching jaw from clenching my teeth in the night. The tension between my shoulders is unreal. I need to be referred back to the hospital for another scan on my ovary, as the increased pain I’m feeling suggests it’s grown since last time. I’m on the pill back to back so in theory it should stop it growing.
When you put all these things together it gets you down. Family stuff adds to the emotional burden and you feel it in your body. But still. These things are meant to try us and I know from experience that things pass, they get better. I’ll get myself in order. Try some of this CBD stuff everyone’s on about. Do some easy yoga. Plan for the future. Make the second half of 2020 pave the way for a good 2021.
Maybe there won’t be Lapland this winter but there will be central heating. These are the things you have to give thanks for.